Thursday, December 08, 2005

After outsourcing…its OUTSEXING!!!

(Warning: Explicit material. Reader discretion advised.)

Outsourcing to India is the latest trend in IT industry, these days. You name it and “developed” countries are eager to outsource anything to “developing” countries under the name of cheap labor.

Take for example, few days back I read an article about one such outsourcing where final year exam papers were being scanned so that they could send it across to India, while the teachers enjoy the vacation. Now that is something which amused me a lot.

We were ruled by Britishers few years back, thanks to the effort of few great people; very soon we got our Independence. But what are we doing now? Paid slavery? I’m an IT slave and serving few clients myself. I know, what matters by the end of the day is the quality that you deliver and they don’t care about how many and what kinda people worked on it. You meet the deadline on time and the client’s happy.

So I believe the time is near, when anything and everything will come to us and we’ll happily perform the duty. The day is not far, my friends, when the following conversation will take place in almost every “sweet-and-happy” home somewhere out there on this planet.
HE: Honey, its Friday night. Time for “fun”!!
SHE: (I’m done with headaches, back aches, this ache and that ache…need to find out a work around soon): Yes!! You know our neighbors have come across this concept of outsourcing “fun” to India...and they call it as outsexing. We just have to DIAL 1-800-Out-Sexing for India and ask operator to connect to any couple of our choice. That’s it.
HE: Is it that simple? Wow!! I think we should give it a try. What say hun?
SHE: Go ahead!!


HE: Hello…operator…can you connect me to someone who can help us in having “fun”
Operator (someone from deep South): Vannakamm SARRR!! You have reached “fun” line of Out-Sexing. Please dial serro for “fun” on the phone
Please dial serro serro for “fun” on internet
Please dial serro serro serro for “fun” on web cam
Please dial serro serrro serrro serrro for...

HE: Errrr…hold on a sec dude... Why you have only serros…in your menu list?
Operator: SAAAR, the other keys are outsourced for some other purposes you see. Kaasst cutting is going on.

HE: Alright…alright…just make it quick..



HE: Hello…Is this the contact number where we can outsource our “friday night fun”
Voice from the other end: FUN?? Do you mean…
HE: Yes…yes. Exactly!!
Voice: What the F#$#? Where the hell is Babloo? I think he has registered our Phone number on some illegal sites…
HE: Errr…what?
Voice: Nothing. That was for my idiot son…And you….you…firangi…don’t you even dare to call here again!! We don’t provide any kind of entertainments like this.

*thud*

HE: Is that what you meant by “fun”
SHE: No…no… I think we got the wrong line. Can you please ask the operator to connect again?
HE: Betta this be the right one now.
This time I’m sure he gets lucky enough to get through the right “outsexed” couple. They both enjoy watching the outsourced “fun” and then…when the fun time is over…
HE: Boy that was awesome…What dya say?
SHE: It sure was…now I’m tired. Gotta get up early tomorrow.
HE: Gnite hun!!
SHE: Nite…Nite!!
However, don't be surprised if the actual thoughts go something like this:
HE: Damn…that chick in outsexing was HOT. I seriously need to consider this option of outsexing seriously.
SHE: Thanks to outsexing. I was running outta excuses anyway.
Outsexed guy: They never realized that I was doing “it” with a plastic doll…and I charged them for 2 people. Hehehe….sucka!!

68 Comments:

Blogger PuNeEt said...

am I first by ne chance
or 2
or 3rd atleast

Cheers

12/08/2005 04:50:00 PM  
Blogger PuNeEt said...

yeessssss mez first...
after ages.........

this is crazy stuff z000nie boy...
completely crazy...
am controlling my laugh ...

awesome concept...

You meet the deadline on time and the client’s happy.
true dude...

Paid Salvery... thats a fantastic term...

Please dial serro serrro serrro serrro for...
lollzzzzz too cool

Outsexed guy: They never realized that I was doing “it” with a plastic doll…and I charged them for 2 people. Hehehe….sucka!!

ROFL... was the bestttt
the climax rocked yaar....

Great going....

Cheers

12/08/2005 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger Ekta said...

Hey,
Neat one...hilarious actually!!

And soooo true...its this outsourcing bubble phase now..which I guess will burst soon as well!

On the other hand...well if it doesnt look at it this way--for all you know the entire world cld actually be dependent on us indians for every single things they do in a day!!!:-)
Woah!

12/08/2005 06:03:00 PM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

WOW me 4th!!!!

12/08/2005 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

Ewww @ Outsexing!!! lol z-0000nie ... u are bigdofying these days eh! :P

Yeahh i came to know abt those final year papers thingy as well....surprising isnt it??

LOLLLLLLLL serrro !! sheesh ... hahahahaaa

other keys are outsourced ... omg!

Outsexed guy: They never realized that I was doing “it” with a plastic doll…and I charged them for 2 people. Hehehe….sucka!!

Plastic doll? i mean wut the hell? lol ... how stupid and unrealistic ... lol

how do u come up with such ideas z00000000000nie? and where are u these days????? too busy with ... ahm ahm ? l;ol

12/08/2005 06:28:00 PM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

i was 3rd actually ....! :P

12/08/2005 06:29:00 PM  
Blogger RP said...

ha ha
LoL....Only ye can come up with this concept.... LoL
ha ha

12/08/2005 06:39:00 PM  
Blogger Dreamgirl said...

Oh GOD!!
Tat was a greattt one..
nd u surely changed my mood :-)))
Gimme some tips on how u come out with such things...??!!!

(I’m done with headaches, back aches, this ache and that ache…need to find out a work around soon)~~~LOLLLLL

Saarr...vannakkam...simbllyy...hv bcome trademarks of mallus i guess!!

ROTFLLLLLL and more LLLLL
Tk Cr...

12/08/2005 06:49:00 PM  
Blogger WA said...

HaHaHahahahahaha hilarious. Very creative post still laughing. Loved the vanakkam saaar bit too :)

12/08/2005 07:12:00 PM  
Blogger ayvid said...

LOL!!
Divs

12/08/2005 07:45:00 PM  
Blogger visithra said...

lol funny one

12/08/2005 08:35:00 PM  
Blogger niki yokota said...

wat is plastic doll...?(~_~)
im sorry abt IT job. take it easy, z000nie-chan!!

12/08/2005 08:35:00 PM  
Blogger Loveena said...

Oh Bhoy! Are you sure this is futuristic!?

I do happen to think it is very much in the present tense and quiet sadly so.

But yea only an Indian I suppose will succcccesssssfully pull out such a thing as described in the last line - Neat post :-)

12/08/2005 08:38:00 PM  
Blogger Loveena said...

Finally, I've replied to your comment on my blog.

Hey, thanks for putting up my comment :-)

12/08/2005 08:53:00 PM  
Blogger Nitika said...

prior i thought zoonie is in serious mood talking abt indepence and all that........but then after one two para there goes your bizarre thought.........lol
keep charging your bizarre brain hehehe
i guess i used too much "bizarre" word......everytime bizarre bizarre :huh: me not gonna used now onward instead of bizarre, incredible chalcha.....hehehe

goodnight and sweet dream abt your pet dino and mars gf
hugzzzzzzzzz

12/08/2005 09:34:00 PM  
Blogger Rays Of Sun said...

Hahahha..that surely was funny..
Esp @//I was running outta excuses anyway//
Hmm..something to remember for the future;)


//They never realized that I was doing “it” with a plastic doll…and I charged them for 2 people//

Vivid imagination:))

12/08/2005 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger Phoenix Rises said...

Goshhh!! How your brain works!! How do you come up with such stories???
The last part was quite funny!! :))

12/09/2005 02:19:00 AM  
Blogger Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

LOL, as usual :-P
BTW, your outsexing to India reminded me of a Russel Peters video I watched where he talks about a situation where such stuff is going on and its hilarious. Watch the video here- http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6802438413010363103&q=russell+peters

Its not something you can watch with everyone so be careful!! And he makes fun of everyone so dont take offense to his jokes :-)

12/09/2005 02:38:00 AM  
Blogger L said...

You are making things scary...!!
I mean u make the future seem scary... !!

Remember the stories from H.G. Wells where he predicts man on moon and stuff and ppl in his era kinda thgt it real weird...!! U fit in similar shoes..!!

12/09/2005 02:42:00 AM  
Blogger Sayesha said...

/Please dial serro serro for “fun” on internet
Please dial serro serro serro for “fun” on web cam
Please dial serro serrro serrro serrro for...

That was HILARIOUS! :D

12/09/2005 04:00:00 AM  
Blogger Jewel Rays said...

haha......Hilarious man! TOTALLY!
Love the convo...!

aWESOME!

12/09/2005 08:34:00 AM  
Blogger niki yokota said...

wat is serro serro?? zero zero??(^o^;;;

12/09/2005 08:51:00 AM  
Blogger still_figuring_out said...

LMAO. awesome concept! the "outsourcing to India" concept is gaining momentum in my country right now! i wonder what my countrymen would think of this concept.

enjoyable post :)

12/09/2005 08:59:00 AM  
Blogger tulipspeaks said...

rofl..z000nie how did ya come up with this kind of stuff??? what/who is your source of inspiration?? *am000nie wonders...


hugssss


=am000nie=

12/09/2005 09:42:00 AM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

You get won-serro.. ten outta ten for your outsourcing.. err i mean outsexing concept. Finally something humorous to look forward to in the future other than the demise of G W Bush.. ;))

12/09/2005 09:56:00 AM  
Blogger vibha said...

hahaha that was hilarious

12/09/2005 11:07:00 AM  
Blogger Rita said...

Lol! That is hilarious!! How do you come up with such stuff, Zoonie?

12/09/2005 12:07:00 PM  
Blogger Shivangi said...

Dude, get in touch with Mad magazine and earn some revenue out of this... Serious.

12/09/2005 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger bharti said...

mann..u r wicked...n u r popular too...

12/09/2005 12:31:00 PM  
Blogger Shikha said...

Reminded me of a story I read,'My outsourced life' by AJ Jacobs http://www.smartmoney.com/esquire/index.cfm?Story=20050909-outsource

12/09/2005 12:47:00 PM  
Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

i aint in so great a mood to comment today :(((

12/09/2005 01:36:00 PM  
Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

thanx !! * smirk *

u added to my dry day w/ talks of slavery !!!!


but , yeah , i aint surprised by the last para on ur post ...

but seriously , it feels pretty rotten .!! i mean , enjoying what u wanna enjoy at other people's expense

btw , how can some1 do ' it ' with a doll ??? No please No ... i dont wanna know.,

12/09/2005 01:38:00 PM  
Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

my apologies if i sounded off the mark ....
brain refuses to work ... pls , no comment on this one .....plllllllleasssssee

12/09/2005 01:43:00 PM  
Blogger My Ramblings... said...

How do you come up with such stuff? I am amazed! LOL :D

But like you said "paid slavery", that is definitely food for thought.
Good going! :)

12/09/2005 02:05:00 PM  
Blogger San said...

lol you never cease to amaze me :)

ah the outsourcing of jobs to India may be a boost for ur economy but it's a kill joy for us. So many call centres are closed down here leaving hundreds if not thousands unemployed :(

12/09/2005 02:23:00 PM  
Blogger icyblue said...

Expect the un-thinkable... That's what I'd say for this post :D

Hats off to ur imagination..!!

Cheers!

12/09/2005 02:45:00 PM  
Blogger :: The Protector :: said...

Hilarious!....awesome concept Zoooooonnnnieeee.....

:)
Cheers!

12/09/2005 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger Aradhita said...

hehe :) funny indeed!

12/09/2005 05:00:00 PM  
Blogger kannan udayarajan said...

hey boss..!

im linkin you

cheers

kannan

12/09/2005 05:43:00 PM  
Blogger Nikita said...

Ha!Ha!

Can't stop laffing at this one.

Hilarious as usual!

12/09/2005 09:07:00 PM  
Blogger niki yokota said...

im still trying to figure out wat this doll thingy from everyone's comments...lol
good nite z000nie-chan!!!!
have a great weekend!!

12/09/2005 09:39:00 PM  
Blogger >|' ; '| said...

cant wait to get in the business huh?
:))

12/09/2005 10:02:00 PM  
Blogger Rohit Talwar said...

:D

great post!

12/09/2005 10:26:00 PM  
Blogger anthony said...

Bizarre by default indeed.. serro serro was too good.. and the rest of the keys out sourced for kast cutting...

I second Shivangi.. get in touch with mad..

12/10/2005 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger Boldnbeautiful said...

lol good one Zoonie.. I just cant hold myself..

You are just too much..

serous thought.. Why dont you write a serious script & direct some comedy movie?

12/10/2005 04:44:00 PM  
Blogger Jewel Rays said...

hi Arz000n,

I just want to thank you for guiding me on how to place the pictures in a way they float. It works! and i just wanna say thank you.

Appreciate it!

Have a good weekend!

Ta ta

12/10/2005 05:21:00 PM  
Blogger Łóòň Ġãĺ said...

Someonez busy ....

12/10/2005 09:44:00 PM  
Blogger d4u said...

Hehehe...guess me the last one 2 laugh on that post...but "last but not the least"...:p!!

12/10/2005 11:39:00 PM  
Blogger d4u said...

Hehehe..i guess me the last one to comment on that post...but "last but not the least"..so hehehe again:p

12/10/2005 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger AF said...

FUNNY !!...hehee!!

12/11/2005 12:27:00 AM  
Blogger Camphor said...

//Please dial serro serrro serrro serrro for...[...]
Operator: SAAAR, the other keys are outsourced for some other purposes you see. Kaasst cutting is going on.

LOL
I can SO see that happening.

12/11/2005 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Shantanu said...

This is truly hilarious stuff…


I am waiting for the day when real high-end work is outsourced to Indians….


Sick and tired of the crap!!!

12/11/2005 03:43:00 PM  
Blogger Sudeep said...

First Business Process Outsourcing then came Knowledge Process Outsourcing n now.. SPO

lolz.. gud one

12/11/2005 04:11:00 PM  
Blogger niki yokota said...

z000nie-chan didnt answer my questions. serro serro sob sob..(>_<)

12/11/2005 04:24:00 PM  
Blogger RandomThoughts said...

If this is something going to be popular one day ,I know who thought of it in the first place.
Am still laughing!
A great post as usual!

Imagination "Running Riot" or better still ,"causing Riots"!!!

12/11/2005 05:14:00 PM  
Blogger musings (m000nie) said...

lol z00n... kaast cutting was so much fun... aww my day was so drab today... was laughing so much reading this... heh

12/11/2005 05:54:00 PM  
Blogger Arz000n said...

@Puneet
Yeyyyy!!
You first!!
You first!!!

Paid Salvery... thats a fantastic term...
Thats wht we guys are....slaves :(
It sucks loads...

Good to know that you had a good laugh reading it.
Greeetz!!

@Ekta
its this outsourcing bubble phase now..which I guess will burst soon as well!
Yup!!
Let's see when this happens now ...

indians for every single things they do in a day!!
Indian's are best...
We'll be Super power....super power..
Hahaha...

@Cheesy
u are bigdofying these days
I know...kyonki jab main chota bachcha tha...
badi shararat karta tha...
meri chori pakadi jaati...jab roshan hota bajaj ;)

surprising isnt it??
It was from some coll in UK....was that your college?

how do u come up with such ideas z00000000000nie?
am I really bizarre??

and where are u these days????? too busy with ... ahm ahm ?
I think I must say..where are you cheesy??
Busy with...ahem..ahem!!
;)

@RP
Only ye can come up with this concept.
Hehehe...

@Dreamgirl
Gimme some tips on how u come out with such things..
I mean...it just pops in ma mind...
hmmm...no tips my dear..
Anything that comes in ma mind, I put it in words...and while writing lot of things pop up instantly...simble..right?

@Wicked Angel
Gimme some tips on how u come out with such things..
Hehehe..
Good to know that you had a good laugh ;)

@Ayvid
:):):)

@Visithra
Thanks :)

@Niki-chan
wat is plastic doll...?
Plastic dolls look very much like humans and most of the time are used by guys for having "fun". Kinda ewwwwww...right?

@Loveena
I do happen to think it is very much in the present tense and quiet sadly so.
Ohh really??
Hmmmm....
I think its high time for me to change the job then ;)

Thanks for appreciating ma post.

Welcome to ma blog!!

@Nitzzzz
but then after one two para there goes your bizarre thought.
When I read the post after publishing...I too went thru the same phase....it started with a serious note and then went on to something really really weird ;)

me not gonna used now onward instead of bizarre, incredible chalcha
Ohhhh...comeon..
then whose gonna call me bizarrre :(

Hehehe...
Me dreaming about dino and natasha now ;)
Gnite and hope you had a nice weekend Niti-piez.
Take care!!

@Rays of sun
Vivid imagination:))
Thanks for appreciating the post rays.
Just a small thought came in ma mind and I made a post outta it ;)
Kinda weird na??
I know...

@Phoenix
How do you come up with such stories??
Think you shud seriously take me as your new patient for the assignment...Hehehe..
I've already proved that I need some treatment na ;)

@Kr000pz
Watch the video here-
Unfortunately, Google videos are not accessible in India...we cant videos from there :(
:(:(
I heard a lot about Russell Peters and would have enjoyed watching this particular one :(

And he makes fun of everyone so dont take offense to his jokes
Yupp...I got a lot of reviews lately..
Right now downloading audio of Jerry Seinfeld...hope I atleast get to hear this one

Thanks for the link kr00pz
Happy weekend!!

12/11/2005 08:59:00 PM  
Blogger Arz000n said...

@L
I mean u make the future seem scary... !!
Look at the positive side..
OutSEXing..the concept itself sounds so kewl..isnt it...
I'll be the first one to apply for that job... :)

I mean u make the future seem scary... !!
Hahaha!!!
I think I shud start writing short stories now...or is ma blog already doing that..

@Sayesha
Thanks for appreciating the post....yeah it was kinda funny and weird too ;)

@Unveilings
Thanks!!

@Niki-chan
Usually South Indian's pronounce ZERO as SERO
(Guys, no offense here....so chillax!!)

@Still figuring out
wonder what my countrymen would think of this concept.
Its gaining momentum in many countries...and Indians are making lotsa money outta it

Thanks for enjoying this post!!

@Am000nie
how did ya come up with this kind of stuff??? what/who is your source of inspiration??
No one!!
Im seriously thinking about this...
It just popped up in ma mind and I wrote a long post on it...
Hmmmm...

@Optimist from utopia
Welcome to ma blog dude!!

forward to in the future other than the demise of G W Bush.
Hahaha....demise of Bush!!

Greetz!!

@Vibha
Thanks for enjoying the post vibha....and welcome to ma blog.
Hope you enjoy visiting here!!

@Rita
How do you come up with such stuff, Zoonie?
I think Im really bizarre :(
Maybe thts why...
Hehehe...

@Shivangi
get in touch with Mad magazine and earn some revenue out of this...
Hmmm..
Now that is one nice money-making idea you gave me lady. Seriously need to think about this :)

@Bharti
u r wicked...n u r popular too...
Hahaha...
I enjoyed hearing this ;)
Welcome to ma blog!!

@Shikha
Tht was a nice post...thanks for providing the link.
Greetz!!

12/11/2005 09:09:00 PM  
Blogger anubhav said...

hilarious...nice post

but on the brighter side arent we making them really dependent on us..and after they are paralyzed ..the costs can go up...not as simple as I made it sound...but surely not that bad...

psst.. not exactly outsexing you can say, but something like that does happen to thailand...

12/11/2005 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger The optimist from utopia said...

aaawwwwwww..
Jeniffer Aniston.. :D

12/12/2005 01:38:00 AM  
Blogger ~*~ kiran ~*~ said...

zooooooooooooooooooonnnnnieeeeeeeeeee


i have just 1 word for this !!!


"AWESOME!!!"




~~~~~~~~~********~~~~~~~~~~~~~



LOLZZZZZZZ
OMG!!!!

ZOONIE BOY WHAT DO U EAT ???
WHAT MAKE'S UR BRAIN THINK THIS WAY ???


LOLZZZZZZ
OMG!!!

12/12/2005 09:31:00 AM  
Blogger ~*. D E E P A .* ~ said...

where the hell is a reply to my comment ???

* Deepa looking very angry *

12/12/2005 09:56:00 AM  
Blogger ~*~ kiran ~*~ said...

seeerrro serrrroo serrrooo ....
omg!!!
gizm000 boy ...
ur 2 much re...

lolzzzzz

evrytiem u wriet abt call centre thingy ...
i keep wondering wht shud i wriet ..shud i spprt u in teh bashing ..or shud i supprot teh industry tht i work for ..
lolzzzzz
im in a dillemmma...
gizm000 boy need ya help!!!

kwa kwa...
lolzzzzz
huggzzz re !!!
tc hv fun
n get cake frm kiyanis nxt week
lolzzzz
im gonna remind u everytime i cm here till u get it !!!
lolzzzzz

12/12/2005 10:04:00 AM  
Blogger shobhna said...

i liked the previous photo more!! :)
n no commesnts on this one (but I did read it)!!!!!!!!

12/12/2005 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger Pallavi said...

LOL......i love it!

12/12/2005 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Mirage said...

What a whacko idea!! :D

12/12/2005 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger Nitika said...

what's this!!!!!!!
u have been lost again!!!.....lol

i came here fighting against with all the obstacle lying down from ma lecture room to the comp lab but ma effort went in vain....... mez unable to see u ..............:::::how sad:::

where r u!!!!!!!
i thought today mez goonna hit the new post by commenting first.......but here no new post and no bizarre zonu
now tell me when u goona publish new post.......i have to be first commenter anyhow!!!!!!!anyhow.anyhow....by hook or by crook.....
and mez warning u!!!ur not allowed to publish after i logoff as i have to indulge in ma course books and class so no time right after this time....lolzzzzzz...heheheh
:just kidding:
forgot to mention...mez free at...._____o'clock so can be the first commenter.....lolzzzzzzzzzzz
okay..okay now don't think of scolding me.......hehehehe

anyway.....
how's u doing zonu?
wish u grt day ahead
take care

12/12/2005 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger Invincible said...

and i used to think this ws the only thing that we outsourced to them.
dont u watch the ads on TV, for some 'friendship' phone lines, where they charge Rs. 2 per 30 seconds (the rates hav shoot up now?.. i dont watch much TV these days so ..) where they guarantee 'entertainment'.

nyways, the post was kewl. :p :p

12/12/2005 02:49:00 PM  

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